Who knows?

In order to reach Dahlgren from my parent's house, we have to drive over the Potomac River Bridge. In order to drive over the bridge, we have to pay a toll. You would think this process would be uneventful. Not so in Dahlgren, Virginia. On Sunday night, when we drove up to the toll booth the lady said, "Hold on a minute, I'll be right back, no matter what I yell." We had no idea what to expect. She walked over to the other side of the booth and screamed "KEEP ON GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!" Then she came back, took our money and we were on our way. I thought maybe she was talking to another car when she yelled, but as we drove away, we saw that there was no one else around. Who knows. We chalked it up to yet another strange Dahlgren experience.

Despite the many hours I have to read my Bible, there have been too many days here where I just haven't read it. I am not proud of this fact and though I blame it on things like feeling off because of pregnancy, or feeling uninspired in this room, it's still a bad habit. This morning, I was determined to catch up on some of the things I failed to do yesterday, so one of the first things I did was to open my Bible and read. Soon after I started, I heard someone coming down the hall, knocking on all the doors yelling "SUPPLY". This is different than the usual person who knocks on all the doors yelling "HOUSEKEEPER". I am used to people yelling at all hours and knocking on doors, but I've never heard them say supply before. I had my 'privacy please' sign on the handle of the door, so I wondered if she would knock. I kept reading, trying to ignore the noise outside the door. Soon enough, she came to my door. I guess my plea for privacy didn't mean anything to her. She came in and told me that she needed to check some stickers around the room. She went around the room, looking at random things and grunting. As she headed out the door, she told me she would be back, because our microwave was lacking a sticker. Then she turned the light off on her way out the door. As with so many things here, I just sat in the chair shaking my head thinking, who knows. What I do know is that Satan is very clever in his attempt to distract me from reading God's word. I could never even imagine that I would be interrupted by someone coming to check stickers in my room. I am thankful for a Savior who loves me even when I fail; who knew that I would put TV, internet, and random other things before Him, yet who still came to die on the cross for my sins so that I can spend eternity with God.

Only three more weeks here in Dahlgren. I can't wait to see our stuff again, to be near our friends and the beach, to be able to eat somewhere other than Wawa and Taco Bell without driving 45 minutes, to be able to cook without being afraid of catching a disease, to be back near a normal sized gym and commissary, and the list goes on. These couple months will have certainly been a memorable experience however, and Sam and I will forever have some very funny memories of our time here.

The best week in Dahlgren.

Last week was the best week in Dahlgren, because we only spent two whole days here. Sam got permission to miss a day of school so that he could come to my appointment with me. Our original plan was to drive down Wednesday morning and to drive back up here right after my appointment. I was less than thrilled with this plan, considering that the more days away from Dahlgren, the better, but it was what worked best with Sam's schedule. My grumpy attitude about this plan did not take into account God's continuing goodness and grace to us. As you all know, the mid- Atlantic was hammered by another snowstorm last week. The forecast predicted that Dahlgren could get between 7 and 14 inches of snow Tuesday and Wednesday, so we decided we should leave as soon as possible if we wanted to make it to my appointment. Due to a scheduling error at the school, Sam got out very early on Tuesday. Yet another example of God's goodness to us. On Wednesday Sam's school was canceled, so he didn't even end up missing a day. We had such a fun time together on this trip away from Dahlgren. We stopped at Baskin Robbins in Williamsburg and then went on to the outlets.


My sweet hubby knows how to make me happy. When I was young, I told my grandmother that my two favorite things were malls and ice cream. Not a lot has changed I guess. At the outlets, I found some boots at L.L Bean for $5.00. Yes, $5.00. Sam also bought me a fleece vest, a new Columbia jacket and another pair of shoes, all of which were ridiculously less expensive than normal. We decided to stay in a hotel Tuesday night, since we have imposed on our friends far more than enough. Sam used priceline negotiator and we ended up with a room on the beach for $50.00. Once again, God is so good to us. It was so wonderful to fall asleep to the sound of the waves crashing on the beach. At breakfast, we sat right by the window looking out onto the ocean once again. It was amazing.


After our appointment, we had a late lunch at Chick fil a, where I ate the noodles out of the chicken noodle soup, because I have not been real into chicken lately. As I said before, what I do love is ice cream. Right now I am particularly into Friendly's ice cream Sundays. I know this is awful, but they are so amazingly good. Nothing hits the spot for me like one of those Sundays. Sam continued his sweetness and we stopped in Williamsburg on the way back for a Friendly's Sunday. We then left on Friday for a 3 day weekend in MD. It was a wonderful week and I am so thankful!

Fear.

Now I can share all the things that have been on my mind over the last several weeks, besides what life is like in Dahlgren. Pregnancy has been a rather terrifying experience for me so far. I tend to be a worrier by nature and this experience has proven no different. I was the type of kid who would call my parents over and over again if they didn't get home when they said they would and then would pace around the house crying and feeling sure they had died in a car accident. Maybe it's because I'm the daughter of a nurse and a news photographer, both of whom have seen some awful things in their time. Maybe it's genetic. Maybe it's because I grew up reformed and I have heard sermon after sermon about how we will suffer in this life. Whatever the reasons, my tendency to worry is definitely sinful. When I worry, I'm telling God that I don't trust his plan for my life. I'm telling Him that he is not in control and is not good enough to take care of me. I am doubting his Word and his character when I worry. One reason I wanted to start a blog is so that I have a reason to sit down and record the little ways in which God has provided for us. I need this time to sit and reflect upon his goodness and grace and to focus my thoughts on what is true, instead of what I feel.

Needless to say, I have still spent many hours worrying over the last several weeks. I was prepared for pregnancy. I had researched it, I have many friends who have been through it, I wanted it, I planned it, I thought I knew what to expect. Life is different when you are actually living through it. Pregnancy in my imagination was far different than pregnancy in reality. Fear is a powerful influence. I have spent the last 10 weeks terrified of every little ache and pain, of which there have been many. Then I've been terrified when I don't feel the aches and pains that I was feeling. Then I look up the things I'm feeling on the internet (very bad idea), read about people who have worst case scenarios and then feel sure that this is what is happening to me. Pregnancy reminds me of being home alone at night. I feel just fine, until I hear a noise and then my heart starts racing, my mind runs wild and I'm sure there is someone in my apartment. When I feel an ache or pain, my mind runs away and I start fearing the worst immediately.

All of these fears show my need for control. Yes, during pregnancy I have a responsibility to be wise and to make good decisions and to take good care of myself. There is a point, however, where I have to let go. And I have a really hard time with that. I have to constantly remind myself that God is in control, not me. He is the one who will grow this baby into the person He wants he or she to be. That is why I love Psalm 139. It is a beautiful reminder of God's attention to detail and his interest in our lives and his power to create. I felt so incredibly relieved on Wednesday after we saw our baby on the ultrasound, saw that heart beating fast and strong, saw how he or she is developing perfectly on track. The relief is short lived however. Already today I have started worrying, what if we can't hear the heartbeat on the Doppler next time, what if something goes wrong between now and then.

I get overwhelmed sometimes, because I have a long way to go. For the rest of my life, I will have someone else on this earth who I love more than life itself, who I feel like I could absolutely not live without, who I am terrified of losing. I have got to learn to trust God and let go, so that I can enjoy the good things he has given me, and not be crippled by the fear of losing them. I am so thankful for the sweet support and encouragement of my friends and family. Thank you all for you wonderful comments on my Facebook and blog. I feel like I could probably go on forever about this, and I will probably write more on this topic throughout the next several months. For now, thanks for your prayers as our baby develops and as we strive to be the future parents that God calls us to be.

Job 38: 4-7, 16-18, 22-24
"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements- surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Have you entered the springs of the sea, or walked in the recesses of the deep? Have the gates of death been revealed to you, or have you seen the gates of deep darkness? Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth? Declare, if you know all this.

Have you entered the storehouses of the snow, or have you seen the storehouses of the hail, which I have reserved for the time of trouble, for the day of battle and war? What is the way to the place where the light is distributed, or where the east wind is scattered upon the earth?"

When I worry, I am telling this God that I know better than he does.

The precious miracle of life.

Coming September 2010.



We got to witness a miracle yesterday. We had our first OB appointment in Norfolk and we got to see our baby on an ultrasound. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life. I could have stayed in that room watching our baby forever. I have been replaying those moments over and over again in my mind ever since. It was such a wonderful blessing to be able to see that heart beating fast and strong and to see our baby's little head and arms. We know that new life is truly a gift from God and we are extremely grateful. I have many more thoughts to share about pregnancy and about our future, but I will leave it at this for now. We would appreciate your prayers as our precious little baby continues to develop and grow.

Psalm 139:13-16
"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb, I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance, in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them."

No salt, No shovels, No boots.

In light of the forecast predicting 20+ inches of snow for both Dahlgren and Annapolis, I went in search of some boots today. Sam took the car this morning, so I decided to take a little walk to the NEX. One benefit of a tiny base is that everything is pretty close. I walked over there and looked around the place in about 1 minute. Everything on this base is miniature. I decided to check with the guy at the counter just to make sure I didn't miss anything. He looked at me and said, "No salt, No shovels". I asked, "What about boots...snow boots". No snow boots. When I asked for a suggestion of another place to check, he said Walmart. When I asked where the closest Walmart is, he said Fredricksburg, which is about 40 minutes away. You know you are in a small town when the nearest Walmart is 40 minutes away. He also informed me that the Potomac River Bridge will probably close, so I don't want to go that way. I'm hoping that Sam will get out of his class early today, so that we can get out of here before that happens. If not, we will be taking a different way, because we are determined to get out of here. On my walk back to our room, I saw the entire cleaning staff flooring it out of the parking lot. I can only hope that Sam's teacher feels the same urgency to get away as they do.

Snow

I love snow. I hate cold weather, but I love snow. Sam and I agree that if we had the choice between living somewhere with snow or somewhere without winter, we would most definitely choose the place without winter. We do not have that choice, however, so we are happy with the snow! I think it's funny to see people's different responses to the snow on facebook. Some people rave about the snow while others hate the snow and long for it to go away. I was disappointed by the fact that we missed the snowstorm in Norfolk. We have lived there for two full winters now and have barely seen a flake. I felt better though when we got about 6 inches in Annapolis as well. Dahlgren also got about 6 inches of snow this weekend. We got a light dusting last night as well. When I took Sam to work this morning, the trees were covered with white and the whole place looked much more beautiful than normal. I thought about getting out to take a picture, but the problem with snow is that it's so cold, so I just stayed in my warm car and kept driving.

All weekend and again this morning I have been thinking of the verse, Psalm 51:7, which says, "wash me and I will be whiter than snow." I think snow is a beautiful image of what Christ has done for us. During winter, the earth is brown and dead, the trees are gray and barren and every imperfection is exposed. When it snows, the gray, barrenness of the trees becomes white and beautiful. The imperfections disappear under the blanket of white, clean snow. Similarly, my heart was barren, dead, dirty, and imperfect. Christ came to this earth and lived a perfect life. He did all the things that I will fail to do. Through his death on the cross, my heart became clean, pure and white as snow. Through Christ, when God looks at me, it is like he is looking at Dahlgren, VA covered in snow. He sees Christ's good works and his perfection instead of my sin. I love how God gives us tangible images of the abstract ways in which he works.

On another note, I am very proud of Sam for passing his first test here at school! He only missed one question. We braved the snow and the Potomac River bridge, on which I always wonder if we'll make it across alive, and headed 30 minutes to La Plata to celebrate at Texas Roadhouse. That place has never tasted so good. Last night was by far the best night we have had here in Dahlgren.



Notice I have even started braiding my hair here in Dahlgren. I guess this place is rubbing off on me!