Looking for answers..

Since becoming a mom.. actually as soon as that little line showed up on the pregnancy test, Google has been my go to resource for answers. Is this pregnancy symptom normal, is this food safe to eat, what is my due date going to be? Then after having a baby…how to tell if the baby is getting enough, is (fill in the blank) normal? 

And then there are the developmental milestones. I was all about knowing every single one of them when Joel was a baby. 

I think at times google and all the access we have to all kinds of information is a really great thing, but most of the time when I look something up to find “reassurance”, all I find are scary stories of worst case scenarios, which then just adds to whatever I was worrying or wondering about. Sometimes, it leads to a whole new rabbit trail of things to research in order to know every thing bad that could possibly happen regarding some new scary topic. 

I have learned this about myself since becoming a mom and have very much cut back on my tendency to “research” things, because I know it rarely gets me anywhere good. Every once in a while, usually when I’m stressed about something outside of my control, I tend to fall back into my tendency to seek answers from the great and all knowing google. 

This week was one of those times, and as I took a step back and reflected on what I was really hoping to get out of my searches, I realized that what I want is to know the unknown. I want to know what the future holds in whatever particular area I am searching for answers.. are my kids going to be developmentally normal, is my family going to be healthy and safe, am I doing the right thing?

Sometimes whatever I think I need to know really has nothing to do with the deeper questions of life, but I’ve realized that it’s a symptom of a deeper faith issue. My desperation to know a firm answer about a particular topic is a misplaced trust in who and where I can find the answers and reassurance. 

Instead of turning to the sovereign God of the universe, who truly does have all the answers and meaning I am seeking, I am turning to a cheap and useless substitute that promises to give me immediate gratification if I want information now. 

I am learning to shut down the internet and open up my journal to be pouring out my requests and fears about the unknowns in my life to the only One who has the answers.

He promises to never leave or forsake me, so I know that whatever the future holds, whatever hard things or wonderful things are ahead, He will be there and He has it under His gracious and sovereign control.