Life is Messy

And he told his disciples to have a boat ready for him because of the crowd, lest they crush him, for he had healed many, so that all who had diseases pressed around him to touch him. Mark 3:9-10

I've been thinking about messes a lot lately. Having an almost 1 year old around makes it easy to see that life tends towards chaos and disorder. Joel has recently discovered the cabinets in the kitchen. He loves to take all the Tupperware containers out and throw them all over the floor. He loves to take books off of shelves, toys out of bins, clothes out of the laundry basket..you name it, he loves to throw it everywhere. While I clean up one thing, he's somewhere else making another mess. Every meal consists of cleaning out his high chair, cleaning up the floor around his highchair and washing dishes. I spend the majority of every day fighting against messes.

When I think about it, I don't just spend my days fighting against chaos and disorder in my home, but also in other areas of my life. I really don't like it when things don't work like they should. I don't like the fact that life can be painful, lonely and hard even in the good times. I want things to work. I can have a really bad attitude in response to this reality. I get nostalgic about the past and how much better things used to be. I ignore relationships that are painful and difficult.

In light of this, I was struck by the image of Jesus being surrounded by people with diseases. I have no desire to have people crowding into me at all, much less people with all kinds of diseases. I picture loud, messy, hot, sweaty people all around me and I want to escape just thinking about it.

I need to love people better. I need to stop whining and complaining in my heart when things get crowded and messy. I know that I fail to do this constantly. So, I'm taking a minute to reflect on Jesus instead of myself. On what He has done, instead of what I need to do. I am that messy, nasty, diseased and sinful person in the crowd. Jesus willingly chose to leave heaven..where everything works just as it should..where he had perfect communion with his Father..where there is no brokenness, injustice or disease to come engage me here on this earth. I know that it's only in reflecting on this truth that I can cope with the constant messiness I see all around me in this world.

Home.

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of "home" lately. What makes something feel like home? How do we achieve that feeling of comfort, security and peace that makes us feel at home? I've been longing for a physical place that represents home for a while. In some ways, nowhere we lived in Norfolk ever really felt like home, because Sam was missing so much of the time and because I came and went a lot too. We moved a few times while we were there, so I didn't have much of an emotional attachment to any physical location in particular. What I did have there was 4 years worth of time, friends and experiences. Are those the things that should lead to a feeling of "home"?

Here in Florida, we have basically a dream house to call home. We were out of town for a few days last week and I was so looking forward to coming home and getting completely settled. We got home on Monday night, and when we got here, the storm track for Hurricane Irene was coming directly toward us. I was feeling so upset that I wasn't able to enjoy that feeling of being home because I was afraid that it was all going to go away. It only takes one hurricane to destroy all the work we've put into this place and the order that I've been so longing for, particularly over this past year. On a similar note, though I love this house and it feels so much more homey than anywhere we've ever lived, because we own it, I am missing the security and comfort of community, that embodies the concept of home to me.

Both of these things are painful reminders that this earth is not our home. We have a home waiting for us in heaven, where I will feel completely and 100 percent fulfilled. This physical location will never provide that for me. A great community of friends and family will never provide that for me. Thankfully, it looks like we're going to be missed by the hurricane this time. Now, I'm keeping an eye on Irene as I think of my friends and family in Maryland and Virginia. Life can feel so chaotic and out of control and I've been trying to turn my eyes toward my Savior and the eternal communion with him that is coming. It sure is hard though. My heart constantly longs to be fulfilled here and now and wants the same for those I love.

And since I'm talking about home..here are a few pictures for those of you who aren't on Facebook.

Backyard


Dining Room


Front View


Joel enjoying his new house


I know I've posted this verse several times before, but I love it and find it so encouraging, so I'm going to share it again.
"Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

We made it.

So we’re here in our new home. It’s been a whirlwind of a week! Last week already feels like a different lifetime. God has been so good to us in this entire move. First of all, our movers ended up coming a day early last week (Thursday instead of Friday), which made everything so much smoother. Everything was all moved out by last Thursday night and we were able to take our time cleaning and packing that evening. We ate pizza on the floor and slept on our air mattress in our apartment. Joel woke up bright and early on Friday morning (5am) and so we got an early start to our drive. We stopped for the weekend in Charleston, SC on the way down. I visited a friend there a couple years ago while Sam was underway, and I’ve been wanting to bring him there ever since. The weather was a little less ideal this time…I went in the early spring last time and it was a little cooler than August, but we still had fun. On Sunday, we headed the rest of the way to Florida. The trip was so incredibly smooth. We followed each other the whole way. We never hit any traffic. It rained for maybe 10 minutes off and on the whole trip and Joel did great. He probably fussed for 5 minutes during the whole 14 hours. His sleep has definitely been a little wacky, but he has been such a trooper.

We closed on our house on Monday. Once again, super smooth. It was kind of hard to believe it was that easy. After all the paperwork and stress about if everything would work out, that day was so simple. Coming into our very first house was such an amazing feeling. I still can’t believe that we get to live here. Joel was adorable as he crawled around and squealed in delight at all the ceiling fans. There is one in pretty much every room and he was so excited to see so many of them. We’ve been working really hard cleaning and working on some projects while we wait for our stuff to get here. Sam worked in the yard for a while yesterday and it looks amazing. I’m so proud of him. We also changed out some knobs on our cabinets, and I can’t believe how much of a difference it makes. All these little things are making the house feel more like ours. I’m really anxious to have our stuff though! Our neighbors across the street brought us brownies the other day. So sweet! I always imagined that happening in a neighborhood!

In the midst of my excitement about our house, I have also felt the distance from friends and family at times. Sadness seems to hit at the most random times. I thought I’d be really sad actually driving away from Norfolk, but strangely, I didn’t really feel too much at that point. Since then, I’ve had random times where I felt super sad and lonely and then, thanks to God’s gracious comfort, provision and peace, I feel excited and grateful to be here and be with my husband again. Yesterday morning was one of the times I felt the most sad and God used some little things to cheer me up. I went to the grocery store for the first time (and I was feeling so homesick, I actually missed the commissary…that should tell you something) and found that they have peppermint mocha creamer, which I love love love in my coffee. They never had it at the commissary, or anywhere else I shopped on a regular basis in Virginia, so I’m so excited that I can have consistent access to it (what can I say, I’m easily pleased..) Another strange thing that really lifted my spirits was working in the yard while Joel napped yesterday. I weeded the flower beds in our front yard and there was something really fulfilling about getting my hands dirty and making my yard more beautiful. Yesterday morning I prayed that God would give me strength and comfort and I saw how he totally did throughout the day. I’m sure there will be more sad times, but I feel like I made it over one hump in this transition. I know that so many of you are praying for us and we can totally see the answers to your prayers. Thank you and please keep it up! We have really spotty internet access right now, and no furniture, but we will post pictures soon!