Rain, rain go away.. or dont.

We are having a chill day around here. Joel is sick and so we're taking advantage of the rainy day to chill out and hang out at home. The rain is pouring down and it's cold. I'm treasuring the time I have to play with my boy and to enjoy a safe, dry and warm place to live.

Most of our day..feeding, breathing treatments, nose suctioning, clean up, do it all again. Good thing I'm an expert at these things after RSV.


Joel is taking advantage of the rain to take several long naps, giving me some time to read.


It brings my heart joy to see books and toys everywhere. Joel is more interested in these things every day and I'm having so much fun playing with him.


Mismatched socks..that's how chill we are today. One fell off in the middle of night and I just left them that way.


His favorite way to play right now is to have the whole box of toys in front of him. Why choose one when you can have them all??

When will I learn?

Today has been a great day. 80 degree weather. A walk with a great friend. A Starbucks Frappucino and a sleeping baby. Life is good. I love spring time. I love driving around and seeing all the trees blooming. I love being able to walk outside and not freeze to death. I can't wait for Joel to wear all his cute summer clothes. I can't wait for my husband to actually live at home for more than a few days at a time.

I always want to ingrain these days in my mind so that when days come that are not so lovely, I can remember that God is good.



I'm also feeling relieved today, because Joel's six month appointment is over. Does anyone else get physically anxious before well check ups or am I just crazy? I know I am a little crazy, but I wonder if anyone else feels this way. I'm always sure they are going to tell me that something is wrong with him (and I hate watching him get shots). Especially a visit like yesterday where I knew I was going to have to tell them that he doesn't roll over. I also always have a list of other things I want to ask about, which when they all pile up in my mind add up to something horrible.

Every time, his doctor says he's doing great and I feel so relieved! She said he's an "above average sized" baby (I bet you couldn't tell that) and sometimes they take longer to learn gross motor skills. He was definitely doing all the other things they asked, which was encouraging. One of the big things that was really stressing me out is that he holds his arms back on his tummy most of the time, instead of pushing up on them. He holds his head way up and he can put his arms in front of him and does when there is a toy he wants, but he generally just fusses and puts his arms back.


(Evidence that he can use his arms when he wants to..)

His doctor put him on his tummy to observe this and said that it's the position a baby who really doesn't want to be on his tummy takes and not to worry about it.

On the way to his appointment I was sure she was going to tell me he has cerebral palsy and then we weren't going to be able to get out of the Navy, because we'd need the health insurance and....yeah, you can laugh at me. And I do this every time, even though, deep down I know he's fine.


(I try anything and everything to try to get him to enjoy his tummy more.)

So that is why I need to remind myself that God is good. He gives us good gifts, just because he's gracious, merciful and unbelievably loving. I don't need to go looking for trouble when it's not there. And I will revel in days like this when that's easy to believe.

And if Joel isn't doing the million things they said he should be doing by his 9 month appointment, I'm sure I'll still be going there with an anxious feeling in my stomach, waiting to hear some bad news..because that's how I am=)

I read this verse a few days ago and I've been waiting for a good post to use it..

Psalm 126: 2-3
Then it was said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
3 The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.

Someone must be getting engaged..

Joel has his six month check up tomorrow. He was supposed to have it on Monday, but his doctor had a death in the family, so it was canceled. When I told Sam this, he said, "someone must be getting engaged".

For us, a doctor's "death of a loved one" and someone getting engaged did go together. I figure after the number of words and the heaviness of my last post, you would probably all appreciate a shorter (that might happen), more picture heavy, more positive post. So obviously, I thought I'd do that by talking about death. I promise this is headed somewhere good...

For a year in college I worked as a receptionist at a doctor's office. It was a small office, so I worked just with one other lady. She was the office manager and had been working with the pediatrician for years and years. She and the doctor and the nurses were all friends and they shared many mutual friends as well. So, when one of their friends passed away, they closed the office for the afternoon so they could all attend the funeral.

Several months later, Sam wanted to take a trip to New York City during Christmas break.


(Our trip to NYC with my family the year before)

We tried to find a day that would work for both of us and it just wasn't coming together. Sam wanted me to take off on a Monday so we could go, but I told him that I couldn't just skip work. I think I'd already missed a day for another reason that week.

On Saturday, I got a voice mail from my boss saying that one of their friends had died and so they were closing the office that Monday. I couldn't believe the timing of that! I was genuinely sad for them, but also just a little excited that I would now be able to go to NYC with my love. I remember running in to tell my mom some version of "God works in mysterious ways" and calling Sam to tell him the news. I also called my boss back to offer my condolences and tell her I was praying for them.

Bright and early Monday morning, Sam and I headed up to NYC. We had lunch together, viewed the World Trade Center site and took a walk to battery park. He had told me he had a surprise for me and his backpack was heavy and huge with some unknown object. We had been talking about getting engaged, so I hoped that's what the surprise was, but I couldn't figure out why he'd have something huge in his backpack. I thought, maybe the surprise is ice skating in Rockefeller Center? (How disappointing would that be.. to think you're getting engaged, when really you're just going ice skating..so I tried not to get my hopes up too much).


(The reason why I thought the surprise might be ice skating. The year before, we'd tried, but it was too crowded.)

When we got to Battery Park, Sam pulled out a blanket. He obviously had a plan for something. Then he pulled out a book he put together for me, which I accidentally opened backwards and saw the page that said "Congratulations", so then I was just a little suspicious. After we read through the book, he got on one knee and asked me to marry him. I of course replied "yes!" right away and then we called our close family and friends.



In the process of telling people about our engagement, I found out that the "death of a friend" was just an excuse for me to be off on that Monday. Apparently, Sam had called my boss a few days earlier and asked her to find a reason for me to be off on Monday. I guess she figured it would be believable that the office was closed for a funeral, since it had happened before and I totally believed her, so I guess it worked!

And the large object in the bag was a 40 pound rock that Sam picked up from the park we went to on our first date.


He carved our names and the bible reference 1 Samuel 7:12, which says, "Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the LORD has helped us.”




So now you know why we connect doctor's, death and people getting engaged.

It's hard to understand...

It's been a week of heavy news. Even before hearing of the earthquake and tsunami, I was feeling very burdened for several friends who are facing some tough stuff.

I struggle with the fact that good things happen to some people and hard things to others. When I'm going through a hard time, I wonder why other people get to have it easier. When it's other people who are suffering, and my life is great, I feel sad, guilty and honestly a little angry on their behalf that they have to suffer and I don't.

In addition to hurting for those who are suffering, I also wonder,

When are things going to get worse for me?

When am I going to experience some big tragedy or hardship, above and beyond the normal struggles of life?

I look around this world and see so much suffering, pain, strife and brokenness and it's overwhelming sometimes. I wonder why God doesn't make things better, easier, more "fair". I know all the "right" answers to these questions, but I still struggle with a longing for life in this world to be exactly how I want it to be, for myself and for those around me.

These thoughts have been swirling around in my head for the past few days and I haven't been able to effectively get them out. I didn't want to write a downer post where I just complain about life and question God. I felt like there needed to be some hope at the end of this rant, but I wasn't feeling like I could produce it.

While taking a shower this morning, I was thinking about the song I often sing to Joel- "He's got the Whole World in his Hands". I sing this song to him with the names of our relatives in each verse. Though it's a childrens song, it's actually quite profound and it was exactly what I needed to be reminded of today.

God has the whole world in His hands. No matter how out of control, broken and messy it seems, he's got it under control. He knows better than I do and he has a plan that's much bigger than what I can see or understand. I have to cling to this truth in the face of so many things that just don't make sense.

On this beautiful, sunny day, I've also been thinking about how many everyday things God gives us that are so good, even in the midst of tragedy.

He gives us sunshine that warms the earth. He gives us beauty in nature and the ability to appreciate it. He gives us the ability to love and be loved. He gives us his Word, that reminds us of his goodness, his sovereignty and his plan for our lives. He gives us the promise that this is not the end- that someday He will return and make all this right.

He will fix all the brokenness.

He will wipe away our tears.

Death and suffering will be no more.

We will no longer ache with loneliness when someone we love is far away, either through physical separation or death.

We will no longer live in fear of tragedy and loss.

This is God's promise to us and it WILL come to pass. This future is as real as the footage coming from Japan, sickness and separation, infertility and car accidents. I still struggle as I look around and see the pain that so many people are facing right now, but I feel a spark of hope in my heart as I cling to God's promises to us.

If you've hung on through this long and heavy post, thank you! I'm going to leave you with a couple of my absolute favorite verses in the Bible.

Revelation 21:3-4
"Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

Revelation 22:3-5
No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will see his face and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever."

6 months old

My baby will be 6 months old tomorrow. I can't believe it. How is that possible? It's crazy and a little scary to think that he will be a year old in the same amount of time it's been since he was born. And every month seems to go by faster than the last, so I'm feeling mildly sad and panicked about how soon he won't even be my little baby anymore. I seriously have wanted to cry (from joy and nostalgia) as I watch him learn new things every day. Yesterday, I was reading to him and he was sitting up, supported by a pillow and he leaned forward, while keeping himself upright to grab the book I was reading him. I was like, "who are you??!! and where is my little baby??"

He's been moving himself around like crazy. He doesn't roll over, but he can get himself pretty far, considering.



He started out facing a different direction in the middle of his play mat.


Something about this position just doesn't look safe.

He is so engaged in his surroundings and the people nearby. He's constantly squealing, cooing, babbling, blowing raspberries, laughing and smiling. He is so fun to have around and I'm really not sad that he's learned all these things in the last 6 months.

I have no desire to go back to the newborn days, because this is a ton more fun. I just know that he's going to keep growing so fast and there's nothing I can do to stop it! I feel like the months of him sitting still at all are coming to an end, so I try to treasure every moment where he's cuddly. He's so interested in his environment that I'm quite confident he will be into everything when he learns how to really move.

He has been sleeping amazingly the past few days too! We finally found our magic sleep trick. I gave him a blanket that a sweet lady from our church in MD made him and since the day I gave him that, he hasn't cried once while falling asleep. It's amazing. I've tried giving him other blankets and it didn't make a difference, but for some reason, he loves this one. I rock him for a few minutes, sing a song, then put him down with the blanket and he goes right to sleep, with a few grunts at most.


I am so thankful to have found something that works! He's been sleeping for 12 hours the past few nights and taking a 1.5-2 hour nap, plus two 45 minute naps. This blanket has seriously changed our lives.

I'm so so thankful for my precious baby boy. I feel unbelievably blessed and undeserving of this amazing gift. I can't wait to see how much he grows and changes in these next 6 months!

Something I love

If you don't own the Jesus Storybook Bible you have to get it. Whether you have kids or not. It is absolutely amazing. I pretty much tear up every time I read something out of it. It's that profound. This bible presents the Gospel in every story. The stories are well written. The illustrations are beautiful. I love this bible.



I want to share a few lines from it that are especially wonderful. This one is in the story about Creation. (And they are much more powerful in the context of the rest of the story, but I guess you'll just have to read it yourself to see that.)

"But all the stars and the mountains and oceans and galaxies and everything were nothing compared to how much God loved his children. He would move heaven and earth to be near them. Always. Whatever happened, whatever it cost him, he would always love them."

This one comes in the story about Noah and the flood.

"God's strong anger against hate and sadness and death would come down once more- but not on his people, or his world. No, God's war bow was not pointing down at his people. It was pointing up, into the heart of Heaven."

I think this bible focuses exactly on what we should be teaching our children. I feel like so many bible stories for kids focus on all the "great" things the famous characters of the Bible did, with a moral of, "so go out and be like Noah, or David, or Abraham".

The problem with teaching kids to be like these bible characters is that these guys had issues. Noah ended up drunk and naked in front of his son. Abraham lied to a ruler, saying that his wife was his sister. Twice. David, well, he stole another man's wife and had her husband purposely killed on the front lines of the battlefield. Yeah, these were quality guys.

These guys desperately needed a Savior, just like we do. I believe that's what God wanted us to learn from their stories, which is why I love, love, love the way this bible focuses so much on that truth. I love to think that from his first memory of reading bible stories together, Joel will be learning about God's grace and mercy in sending Jesus to die for our sins.

His mom can sure use the reminder as well.

A great week

Thanks to everyone who offered support and advice after my sleep post! I really appreciate you sharing your experiences and thoughts. I've been working on being more consistent about how I put Joel down for naps and trying suggestions that you all offered and so far it's working great!

We have had such a fun week here with Sam home. He has put Joel to bed every night and it's so nice to have a little break in the evening. I love watching my husband love on his son. He makes Joel laugh so much and I love the look on Joel's face as he looks back and forth between Sam and I. He knows that all is well when he has two parents again.



The weather was beautiful on Wednesday, so after Sam got off of work, we headed over to get Mexican food for dinner and then walked around and got gelato for dessert. It was so wonderful to have time to talk and just be together. I think we communicate pretty well over email, but it's just not the same as being together.

And in other news, Joel went to nursery for the first time this week at bible study. It was getting way too hard to keep him with me. He was too loud and I ended up standing in the back during the talk every week, and he's too heavy for that now! He did great in nursery. I figured he would enjoy it, because he loves babies and people and getting attention. They said he smiled and laughed the whole time. It was a win-win for us both. I loved having a little time to fellowship with other women and study God's word uninterrupted and Joel had a great time socializing. I'm so thankful it went so well.

We may have some sleep issues, but overall Joel is such an easy baby and we are so blessed. He is so flexible and happy and has been such a trooper through all the craziness he's been through. His sweet personality really is a gift from God and I look forward to seeing it develop more as he grows up.

So, aside from some screaming and discouragement during nap time, it's been a pretty good week.

Sleep troubles..

We have nap time issues here. Sometimes Joel will go to sleep on his own wonderfully. I know he can do it. Sometimes I lay him down, a few minutes later he is sleeping peacefully and I pat myself on the back for being such an awesome mom.

Then there are days like yesterday and this moment, where I put him down, he screams, I go back in, pat his belly, he screams, I eventually give in and pick him up, and he eventually goes to sleep. Then I feel like a horrible mom. I feel guilty because I let him cry. And I feel even more guilty because I picked him up, so after all that he didn't even fall asleep on his own.

I have been horrible about being consistent with this, because I hate hearing him cry, but he's too old to be held all through his naps. He's also old enough now that sometimes when I pick him up, he just wakes up more and wants to play and then we've spent all that time trying to get him to sleep and he's more awake.

So, I'm feeling discouraged and unsure of what to do. I've read books, I've tried giving him a lovey, I've tried blackout curtains, sound machine, swaddling, unswaddling, music, silence, mobile, feeding right before, and sometimes these things work great, and the next time not at all. I'd love some advice from you all.

It's not fair to Joel to keep changing our routine and I'm a tearful, grumpy mess by the end of these days. I'm ok with some crying (his, not mine=), but I usually pick him up when the all out, sounds like I'm torturing him and ruining his life screaming starts.

I'm just going to throw out my questions and if you happen to have some helpful tips, I'd appreciate it! If you don't want to comment on here, feel free to send me a message or email or something.

How do you handle the paci? Sometimes, like today, I think he was starting to fall asleep, but then I peeked in to make sure he had his paci (because he was fussing a little) and then when I left, he was screaming. I know it takes him longer to fall asleep without it, but it's also counterproductive to peek in and get him upset all over again.

Has anyone found a way that doesn't involve screaming or do you swear by the 'cry it out' method? How long did it take to establish a good sleep routine? How do you handle interruptions, such as bible study, church, time with friends, errands and other things that are a necessary part of life? Did your baby love the lovey right away, or did it take some time for them to get attached?

Basically, I need to pick a plan and stick with it, but I'd love to hear how other people have dealt with this issue. Thanks!