I've been working my way through 2 Samuel and it's been hard. There are lots of long names that all start with A and lots of gore and bizarreness. I prefer to just read the New Testament over and over again, but I know that God gave us these intense Old Testament books for a reason, so I am trying to persevere. I also know that without the "law"- the books of the Bible that remind us of God's holiness and his wrath and his intensity, I take for granted how amazing his grace is. I can tend to start to think that I'm really not that bad and that I pretty much deserve the salvation I've been given. Nothing like some Old Testament reading to remind me of how seriously God takes even the most random and seemingly small sins.
This morning, I reached a chapter that has been a breath of fresh air. It's a song that David sings to God out of thankfulness for all He has done. I love the intro to the song:
"And David spoke to the Lord the words of this song on the day when the Lord delivered him from the hand of all his enemies, and from the hand of Saul."
When I read this sentence, suddenly all the hard, confusing chapters I've been reading became more meaningful. Most of the book has been full of wars and betrayal and murder and heartbreak. If I hadn't read the back story, I wouldn't appreciate David's relief at God's deliverance. I think in a similar way, when I don't really believe that my sins are that serious, I fail to really appreciate the beauty of God's deliverance of me through Jesus.
I tend to swing back and forth between this casual dismissal of my sin and a legalistic need to perform for God, followed by a feeling that He is disappointed with me when I inevitably fail. So, this verse really stuck out to me,
"he (meaning God) rescued me, because he delighted in me."
He rescued me because he delighted in me? What a beautiful way to describe God's deliverance. He didn't rescue me because he had to or because someone told him to (who could tell him to do anything since He's God). He isn't constantly disappointed with me, because he sees Jesus' beautiful redemption of my sins when He looks at me. He delights in me because his Son died for me. I really believe that if this reality could sink into my heart, I would experience an intimacy, love and gratefulness to God that I can never muster with a legalistic need to "try harder".
Anyway, that's what I'm reflecting on this morning. I'm much more likely to desire time in God's word, time in prayer and to find joy in the sacrifices I make in my role as a Mom and wife if I really believe that God delights in me.
