For this child I prayed...

The older I get, the more I appreciate how raw and real the Bible is. This week I've been reading in 1 Samuel and the awesome thing about God's word is that even though I've read it before, something often strikes me that I never really noticed. I was reading about Hannah and how she prayed to God for years and years for him to give her a baby. At his point in my life I have known so many people who have walked this painful road and prayed this desperate prayer. I love that our pain is not new to God or ever surprising to him and I love his faithfulness throughout history to so many who have struggled through this life before us.

I think this passage particularly struck me because last year this time we were going on several months of unsuccessful trying for baby number 2 and I was really struggling to let go of my plan and to be willing to be content with whatever number of kids God decided to give me biologically, even if it would be one. I've been reflecting a lot on God's faithfulness over this past year as I look at my precious second baby.

I think the wait has changed my perspective on having two kids. If it had happened as easily as it did the first time, I think there would probably be more "woe is me..I have two little children and it's hard" moments and less, "my arms are full of babies and that is not promised to us in this life". Looking back over this year, I'm thankful for the wait, I'm thankful for God's timing and for an opportunity to see that God always has a plan and his plan is always better than mine. So that's why this verse particularly stuck out to me as I read it this week.

"For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord."

This is also a great reminder to me that God loves my children more than I ever can and that ultimately they are his. I want to hold on so tightly to them and I definitely need this reminder that they are not mine, but are in fact in the much safer and more capable hands of Someone greater.