The Gospel is beautiful. Every once in a while, I really "get" it. So often I am caught up in the business of life, the confusion of how all of these doctrines are supposed to look in my life and I miss Jesus. I treasure these quiet moments where the gospel moves from my head into my heart. This moment started when I was filling out the paperwork for membership at our church. One of the questions was basically, "if you died and sat before God, why should he let you into heaven"? As I answered that question, my heart was filled with gratefulness for the beauty of Jesus and what he has done for me.
I've been attending Women's Bible Study at church this spring and we've been studying Luke. The study is basically over now, so I've been rereading the book in an attempt to cement some of the truths that stuck out to me over these last few months. After working on my membership packet, I came to read about the crucifixion and was once again blown away by the beauty of Jesus.
I'm not even sure how to put into words the vastness of what it means that the God of the universe came down into our lives as a human, in order to sacrifice his life for our sins. I know I'm a sinner. I think that writing posts like my last two, where I'm being vulnerable and acknowledging my sins and struggles in a very public way reminds me of my desperate need for a Savior and for the beauty of having one. I've spent a lot of my life, though believing in Jesus for salvation, struggling against striving to gain God's favor in every day life. I do not handle failure well and I constantly want to pull myself up by my boot straps and try harder next time.
I love the story of Peter in Luke, where he tells Jesus that he would never betray him and Jesus gently and lovingly tells him that in fact, he will. And not just once, but 3 times. Yet God uses Peter in amazing ways to build up his church. Just in the two chapters I just read, the disciples fail Jesus several times. They miss the point over and over again, yet Jesus patiently and gently redirects their thoughts and attitudes towards himself and his kingdom.
I think Satan uses a sad and incredibly powerful tactic in the church, where he tricks us into thinking that we're actually pretty good now that we're Christians and even if we know we aren't, we should still act like we are. I mentioned this on here before, but I am determined to fight against this lie. The only way to truly appreciate and understand the grace that I have been shown is to acknowledge, to myself and to others how much I am in need of grace every minute of every day. I think it cheapens the gospel to put on a "righteous" front and pretend like I don't struggle. Who needs a savior if you have it all together on your own.
I also realized while I was working on my membership packet that I am so much better at communicating what I want to say in writing than in spoken words. So hence, the vast amount of written words on this blog. Thanks for sticking with me, my friends!
Emily, I have also been so struck by God's graciousness in Luke. I am reading John now, because I don't want it to end! :) I want to keep reading about Jesus and his gentleness. And to be reminded over and over that he can see through any front, whether it is the pharisee from long ago, or the proud mom who has her nails painted, all her household tasks checked off, and her dinner ready on time (not that any supermom who can achieve this is necessarily proud- but I think I would be!). Even if I ever had all the outward things done, Jesus would not be fooled. It is so life changing, it is such a relief, to know He died for me at my proudest moment as well as my most pathetic, regrettable moment of failure and sin. He still loves us, no matter what. I love that the gospels never stop teaching us, no matter how many times we read them, and God's whole word will continue to make us more like him every single day until he brings us home. I am glad we are on this journey together.
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