(We didn't have internet access in the hospital this weekend, so I wrote this on Word on Monday and am just now getting around to actually posting! Joel is doing much better now! Still coughing, but hopefully the worst is over!)
We have been to the ER way too many times since June. In June I went for preterm contractions, in September I went for a kidney infection, on this past Thursday we went because I was worried about Joel’s breathing and on Sunday we went for that same reason. I’m so glad we did come because as I said on Facebook, Joel was admitted because of RSV and Bronchiolitis. They said he was definitely working hard to breath and his oxygen saturation was a little lower than they wanted, especially while he was sleeping. This week has been terrifying. We’ve been to Joel’s pediatrician in between our ER visits and each time she has said that he’s going to wheeze, cough and sound horrible for a little while. At the same time though, they tell you to watch closely for signs of respiratory distress. I’ve been constantly analyzing his breathing and it is exhausting. I’ve been afraid to sleep at night for fear that he would get into trouble and I’d miss something. And of course, Sam has been gone, as he has been for all our ER visits since June. On Saturday night, I thought Joel seemed a lot better and that was the first night I went to sleep feeling kind of peaceful. Then Sunday morning I thought he seemed like he was working a little hard to breathe and he was grunting after most breaths, which they say is a sign of distress. I called the nurse at the pediatrician’s office (I’ve probably called 6 times this week) and she said to take him to the ER.
I want to record some of the things I’m thankful for in the midst of all this. There have been many things that have not gone the way I hoped since Joel was born (and many that have!) so I want to focus on the amazing ways that God has worked in the midst of the hard times.
~My dad was working on a story and arrived in the area on Sunday morning. He met me at the ER just a few hours after we got there. It was such a blessing to be able to stay with Joel while he got me food and drinks and just to have the company of family. His presence here was obviously God ordained. What are the chances that he would happen to be working here? This has only happened one other time- probably one of the other hardest weekends of my life. Two days after Sam left for the very first time, my dad also had a story in the area and came for the night. At that point as well, I desperately needed the support and encouragement of my family and God provided.
~Joel started having trouble during the day. I was worried every night that I was going to have to leave by myself in the middle of the night, which scared me about as much as the idea of him being in distress. Not to mention that everything feels a little less scary during the day.
~There is a really great children’s hospital close to us and he has gotten great care. Everyone has been extremely nice and helpful and comforting. The people at all of our hospital experiences over the last several months have been wonderful actually.
~Sam comes home today. He isn’t deployed far away and he will be around, besides duty days, for the next month.
~We have good insurance. Even though Tricare drives me insane and it took a whole crazy process to get things worked out with Joel’s insurance, we do have great coverage. I’m also thankful that this didn’t all happen a week sooner, when everything was a mess with Joel’s insurance. It took about a month to get everything all worked out and the day before this all started everything was finally worked out.
~Joel is such a happy, pleasant baby. Even through all this, he’s been smiling at the doctor’s and nurses and just been really happy overall. He’s definitely had his moments, but overall he has been amazingly happy.
I thought I was crazy in love and crazy protective before all this, but my bond and depth of love and desire to protect my son have grown even more over this week. It truly is a feeling you cannot even imagine until you’re a parent.
Thanks to everyone for your prayers and support!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Our crazy life
Joel has had quite an exciting life so far. He has now been through 6 states. The ship pulled into Newport this past week and we decided that Joel and I would drive up and meet Sam there. We decided this last Tuesday and Joel and I left Wednesday for MD. We spent Wed. night and Thursday with my family and drove the rest of the way to Newport last Friday. Joel did amazing on the drive. He cried when he was hungry, I stopped to feed him, he fell asleep and was quiet until the next time he was hungry. We stopped three times during that trip and it took us 9 hours instead of 6, but everything went really smoothly. I was so proud and thankful for how well he did. We had such a wonderful time with Sam. It was totally worth the pain of getting there to be with him and to watch him enjoy time with his son.
The few days after Joel's birth were totally consumed with learning to take care of him. There were lots of tears and things were just crazy. This past week we were able to get coffee, take walks, eat out and it was so fun.
Joel was such a trooper as we were out and about and we really had a great time as a family of 3. Joel's life will continue to be exciting. He will add at least one more new state to his adventures when we fly to commissioning in Florida next month.
I can't believe how much Joel has already changed. He is starting to act more like an older baby and less like a newborn. Instead of spending most of his time cuddled up on my chest, he likes to have his head where he can look around. He spends so much more time alert now than he did and it's really fun (when he's happy).
He is definitely gaining better control of his hands and head and it's fun to watch. During tummy time he can pick up his head and turn it to the other side. He is also just now starting to fit into 0-3 month clothes, which is exciting. I was getting super tired of the 5 newborn sleepers that fit him. He has had a handful of smiles that I think were on purpose- mostly at Sam this past week. I can't wait for consistent smiles.
This month has definitely been crazy and there is no end in sight, but I'm so thankful for how far we've come and for God's continuing faithfulness.
The few days after Joel's birth were totally consumed with learning to take care of him. There were lots of tears and things were just crazy. This past week we were able to get coffee, take walks, eat out and it was so fun.
Joel was such a trooper as we were out and about and we really had a great time as a family of 3. Joel's life will continue to be exciting. He will add at least one more new state to his adventures when we fly to commissioning in Florida next month.
I can't believe how much Joel has already changed. He is starting to act more like an older baby and less like a newborn. Instead of spending most of his time cuddled up on my chest, he likes to have his head where he can look around. He spends so much more time alert now than he did and it's really fun (when he's happy).
He is definitely gaining better control of his hands and head and it's fun to watch. During tummy time he can pick up his head and turn it to the other side. He is also just now starting to fit into 0-3 month clothes, which is exciting. I was getting super tired of the 5 newborn sleepers that fit him. He has had a handful of smiles that I think were on purpose- mostly at Sam this past week. I can't wait for consistent smiles.
This month has definitely been crazy and there is no end in sight, but I'm so thankful for how far we've come and for God's continuing faithfulness.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
An update
I have been wanting to sit down and write a blog post for two weeks now and it just hasn't happened. Joel is 2 weeks and 5 days old. He is absolutely precious and I already can't imagine my life without him in it. It definitely feels like he belongs in our family. I love waking up to his sweet little face every morning (and every few hours during the night).
He makes the most adorable little sounds and faces. I love just watching and listening to him.
(1st tummy time-he did great!)
These past two weeks have been hard though. There have been lots of tears shed and lots of discouraging moments. It seems like we have faced one challenge after another, mostly relating to breastfeeding. Every time I've thought we turned a corner and got ourselves over the hump, something new came up that made it hard. Also, as you all know, Sam left 5 days after Joel was born. I'm sure that this has had an impact on how things have gone. The night Sam left, Joel cried almost the entire night. I think he had a sense that something wasn't right and that his mommy was stressed and sad.
My mom came the day Sam left and stayed until today. She was amazing to have around. I really don't think the two of us would have survived without her. She took Joel in the middle of the night so I could sleep, she took him during the evening so I could shower, she did uncountable loads of laundry and dishes, cooked meals, shopped for me, brought me frappucino's and was just a great source of encouragement and moral support. I'm so thankful that she was able to be here. We are really going to miss her.
Last week we were finally in a place where I felt like breastfeeding was heading somewhere good and then I got really sick. I woke up on Wed. night feeling really cold and shivery, but I figured it was just hormones or whatever. I'd been taking Motrin pretty much constantly, so later that morning I felt a lot better. By noon on Thursday, I felt freezing and awful again, so I told my mom that maybe we should check my temperature. We did and it was 102.4. I called my OB office to check in about it and after checking with my doctor, they told me to go to the ER. This was a moment that I'm so thankful my mom was here for! We packed up all our stuff and headed over to the hospital (didn't expect to be going there again so soon..or ever!) Thankfully, when we got there, they let us go in a separate room while we waited. The ER is not exactly where you want to bring your 2 week old baby, so I'm glad we at least were away from other people. After a few hours, they told us they thought I had a kidney infection and they gave me a super high dose of antibiotics, so that I wouldn't have to be admitted. My temperature reached 103.1 between when we left my house and when they gave me Tylenol again at the hospital. I don't think I've ever been that sick before and I'd like to never be that sick again, especially now that I have someone else to take care of! I'm thankful that we live in a day where antibiotics are available and effective or I might have been toast! I'm thankful for my mom yet again as she took care of Joel and let me sleep for hours in a row over the next couple days.
We also made a discovery during this time. Joel loves formula. I thought he was a fussy baby. The days we gave him formula, he was transformed into a very calm, happy and content baby. This was a very discouraging realization, considering the hours and hours of energy, tears and effort that have gone into pressing on with breastfeeding. At this moment we are taking things one day at a time and doing some of both. I have to supplement right now anyway, while I build my milk supply back up after being sick, so for that reason, it's good that he's content!
I've learned a lot over these last couple weeks. I'm learning my baby's personality, I'm learning that there is a reason people do the things they do, I'm learning that sometimes what's best theoretically isn't best for us individually. I'm learning that I need to let go of some of my ideals about how things would go and do what works best for us.
My very favorite times have been in the mornings over the last few days. Joel has been super alert and attentive to me and it's so fun. We've read books and had tummy time and just looked at each other. My sweet cousin-in-law gave us a neat mirror and Joel loves to look in it. He also loves to look at the bee that's on the mirror. It's so cute to watch.
Parenthood has certainly been a crazy adventure so far and I can't say that I've loved every moment by far. I think we are heading over the hump now one way or another, at least I hope so. At some point I'm going to write a post with Joel's birth story and I may write one with more details about our breastfeeding saga as well. Thanks to everyone for your love, support and prayers! You all have been awesome!
He makes the most adorable little sounds and faces. I love just watching and listening to him.
(1st tummy time-he did great!)
These past two weeks have been hard though. There have been lots of tears shed and lots of discouraging moments. It seems like we have faced one challenge after another, mostly relating to breastfeeding. Every time I've thought we turned a corner and got ourselves over the hump, something new came up that made it hard. Also, as you all know, Sam left 5 days after Joel was born. I'm sure that this has had an impact on how things have gone. The night Sam left, Joel cried almost the entire night. I think he had a sense that something wasn't right and that his mommy was stressed and sad.
My mom came the day Sam left and stayed until today. She was amazing to have around. I really don't think the two of us would have survived without her. She took Joel in the middle of the night so I could sleep, she took him during the evening so I could shower, she did uncountable loads of laundry and dishes, cooked meals, shopped for me, brought me frappucino's and was just a great source of encouragement and moral support. I'm so thankful that she was able to be here. We are really going to miss her.
Last week we were finally in a place where I felt like breastfeeding was heading somewhere good and then I got really sick. I woke up on Wed. night feeling really cold and shivery, but I figured it was just hormones or whatever. I'd been taking Motrin pretty much constantly, so later that morning I felt a lot better. By noon on Thursday, I felt freezing and awful again, so I told my mom that maybe we should check my temperature. We did and it was 102.4. I called my OB office to check in about it and after checking with my doctor, they told me to go to the ER. This was a moment that I'm so thankful my mom was here for! We packed up all our stuff and headed over to the hospital (didn't expect to be going there again so soon..or ever!) Thankfully, when we got there, they let us go in a separate room while we waited. The ER is not exactly where you want to bring your 2 week old baby, so I'm glad we at least were away from other people. After a few hours, they told us they thought I had a kidney infection and they gave me a super high dose of antibiotics, so that I wouldn't have to be admitted. My temperature reached 103.1 between when we left my house and when they gave me Tylenol again at the hospital. I don't think I've ever been that sick before and I'd like to never be that sick again, especially now that I have someone else to take care of! I'm thankful that we live in a day where antibiotics are available and effective or I might have been toast! I'm thankful for my mom yet again as she took care of Joel and let me sleep for hours in a row over the next couple days.
We also made a discovery during this time. Joel loves formula. I thought he was a fussy baby. The days we gave him formula, he was transformed into a very calm, happy and content baby. This was a very discouraging realization, considering the hours and hours of energy, tears and effort that have gone into pressing on with breastfeeding. At this moment we are taking things one day at a time and doing some of both. I have to supplement right now anyway, while I build my milk supply back up after being sick, so for that reason, it's good that he's content!
I've learned a lot over these last couple weeks. I'm learning my baby's personality, I'm learning that there is a reason people do the things they do, I'm learning that sometimes what's best theoretically isn't best for us individually. I'm learning that I need to let go of some of my ideals about how things would go and do what works best for us.
My very favorite times have been in the mornings over the last few days. Joel has been super alert and attentive to me and it's so fun. We've read books and had tummy time and just looked at each other. My sweet cousin-in-law gave us a neat mirror and Joel loves to look in it. He also loves to look at the bee that's on the mirror. It's so cute to watch.
Parenthood has certainly been a crazy adventure so far and I can't say that I've loved every moment by far. I think we are heading over the hump now one way or another, at least I hope so. At some point I'm going to write a post with Joel's birth story and I may write one with more details about our breastfeeding saga as well. Thanks to everyone for your love, support and prayers! You all have been awesome!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
40 weeks...
Well, I've made it to my due date! It's kind of unbelievable that this day is here. September 7 sounded so far away for so long. Unfortunately, this day doesn't mean too much if Joel isn't born. I've had regular contractions off and on since Saturday morning and it's starting to drive me crazy. I get my hopes up, start timing and then they always seem to stop. It really feels like I'm never going to actually go into labor. Sam and I feel like the clock is ticking too fast, since he has to be back at the ship a week from today, but we have to keep reminding ourselves that until today, I hadn't even reached my due date yet, much less gone late. I have been really hoping Joel would be born today, partly because it would give Sam a full week with him and partly because my doctor is on call today and I'd really like her to deliver him. I was hoping to wake up in real labor last night, but no such luck so far. I did wake up with contractions, but once again, after several regular ones in a row, they seem to have stopped. So now I've been awake since two, feel exhausted and am still not in labor. Thank you to all of you who are praying for us. Please keep it up. Each day is going to get harder as we get more stressed about Sam having to leave sooner and sooner. I also am feeling more and more weary of thinking this might be it and then realizing it's still not.
Sam and I have had a great time together, despite the fact that we have no baby yet. We got ice cream and walked on the board walk Saturday, went to Williamsburg Sunday afternoon to shop and walk and spent the day at the beach yesterday (which included a long walk..are you noticing a trend here??). The weather has been absolutely beautiful, which is a huge blessing.
Hopefully I will have some more exciting news soon!
Sam and I have had a great time together, despite the fact that we have no baby yet. We got ice cream and walked on the board walk Saturday, went to Williamsburg Sunday afternoon to shop and walk and spent the day at the beach yesterday (which included a long walk..are you noticing a trend here??). The weather has been absolutely beautiful, which is a huge blessing.
Hopefully I will have some more exciting news soon!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Full term.
I will be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow! I can't believe it. This is a good time to look back over the summer and reflect on God's faithfulness. This point seemed so far away and so uncertain back in June. Praise God for keeping baby Joel safe and sound inside for all these weeks. As I look ahead over these next few months with a lot of anxiety, I'm encouraged as I look at where God has brought me this summer. Not only did He keep Joel safe inside me, but he sustained me through my period of limited activity and through the disappointment of not being able to travel. God provided an unexpected opportunity to see Sam in Newport and to spend time with family in MD. He kept us safe as I drove and blessed my time in both places immensely. The timing was perfect for MD, because I got to see two of my very close friends from high school, who just happened to be in town during that time.
I realized just now that it's been about 9 weeks since my contraction scare and change in summer plans. The time that Sam will be gone after Joel is born is also about 9 weeks. It's encouraging to look back and know that God sustained me during these past 9 weeks, which at times were lonely, difficult and scary and know that he will sustain me through the upcoming weeks as well.
I absolutely cannot believe that we will be meeting our son in just a few weeks. A lot of my excitement has gotten lost in the midst of the stress of our situation, but when I stop to really think about it, I am overwhelmed with joy and excitement about this new life, who is so close to joining us in the world outside my belly. I can't wait to see his little face and watch his personality develop as he grows up. Believe it or not, I can't wait to actually use the diapers stacked up in the nursery. I can't wait to wake up and see him sleeping (or not sleeping) in the bassinet by our bed. I can't even imagine the feeling of holding him in my arms for the first time, this precious human being who has been making waves in my belly over all these months. It all just seems so surreal! I have to admit that I also can't wait to be able to cut my toe nails, shave and bend over easily!
I am thankful for a God who can handle my fears, doubts and disappointments and who is faithful to provide again and again.
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Heb. 4: 15-16
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14: 27
Thanks for the prayers everyone and please keep them coming!
I realized just now that it's been about 9 weeks since my contraction scare and change in summer plans. The time that Sam will be gone after Joel is born is also about 9 weeks. It's encouraging to look back and know that God sustained me during these past 9 weeks, which at times were lonely, difficult and scary and know that he will sustain me through the upcoming weeks as well.
I absolutely cannot believe that we will be meeting our son in just a few weeks. A lot of my excitement has gotten lost in the midst of the stress of our situation, but when I stop to really think about it, I am overwhelmed with joy and excitement about this new life, who is so close to joining us in the world outside my belly. I can't wait to see his little face and watch his personality develop as he grows up. Believe it or not, I can't wait to actually use the diapers stacked up in the nursery. I can't wait to wake up and see him sleeping (or not sleeping) in the bassinet by our bed. I can't even imagine the feeling of holding him in my arms for the first time, this precious human being who has been making waves in my belly over all these months. It all just seems so surreal! I have to admit that I also can't wait to be able to cut my toe nails, shave and bend over easily!
I am thankful for a God who can handle my fears, doubts and disappointments and who is faithful to provide again and again.
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Heb. 4: 15-16
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14: 27
Thanks for the prayers everyone and please keep them coming!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Gotta love strangers...
Now that I am most definitely looking pregnant, I have gotten a lot more comments from people when I'm out and about. Yesterday, I was driving through a toll booth and the lady said, "Something cookin'?". At first I was like, what in the world is she talking about, I'm in a car...how could something be cooking?? And then I got it. Just in time to say "Yeah" and drive away.
This morning at the grocery store, I was looking at the very sorry selection of strawberries, and after I decided that they all looked bad, I walked away. One of the workers said, "The baby wants strawberries." Well, I'm glad he has a direct connection to Joel's thoughts and desires. To this man I said, "Well I want strawberries too, but they don't look very good!".
Stay tuned for more stories like this as I keep getting bigger and bigger these last several weeks!
This morning at the grocery store, I was looking at the very sorry selection of strawberries, and after I decided that they all looked bad, I walked away. One of the workers said, "The baby wants strawberries." Well, I'm glad he has a direct connection to Joel's thoughts and desires. To this man I said, "Well I want strawberries too, but they don't look very good!".
Stay tuned for more stories like this as I keep getting bigger and bigger these last several weeks!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
So close!
My doctor said she would probably lift my restrictions at 34 weeks. I am 1 week and two days away and I am antsy. I obviously want Joel to be born at full term, but it's comforting to know that I'm almost to the point where it would be safe if he were born sooner. I haven't had any other problems with contractions and I am very thankful. I'm interested to see if I have them again when I start being more active, or if it really was a fluky thing and maybe a slight overreaction from my doctor.
I have had a lot of time to think over these past four weeks. As I try to put off the growing list of things to do for just one more week, I am trying to process and reflect on the things I have learned over this month.
1) I really miss exercising. I do not enjoy the feeling I have when I've just been sitting around and eating for 4 weeks. I am dying to move my body more than 20 feet at a time.
2) I really miss cleaning my apartment. My mom and Sam have helped me keep up with some things, but there is still much to be done. I have let things get far dirtier than I ever normally would and I cannot wait to remedy this! I have been daydreaming about how exactly I'm going to catch up on cleaning (sad, I know). I blame this partly on my tendency to be a little OCD and partly on the nesting instinct.
3) I have sort of an extreme need to be self sufficient and in control. I can't stand the idea of relying on other people for help. Exercise and cleanliness are tools I use to fulfill this need.
4) Drinking 64+ ounces of water a day leads to a lot of toilet paper consumption.
5) I am far more bitter, cynical, impatient and judgmental than I should be. Being forced to be much more still than usual leaves more time to examine my heart and find the yuckiness that is inside.
6) I text and talk on the phone a lot more when I am taking it easy. I exceeded our minutes and my texting limit this month for the first time ever (since being married..as my Dad knows, it was a common occurrence before that).
7) Time can pass pretty fast when you aren't doing much. Somehow, these last four weeks have actually flown by.
8) God continues to be faithful. He has provided sweet friends and family to entertain and encourage me. He has protected me from further problems with contractions and has kept my baby healthy.
9) I am bad at resisting pregnancy cravings. And I crave unhealthy things. I have a good friend who is newly pregnant and she craves fruit, carrots and yogurt. Me, I crave ice cream, chips, Cocoa Pebbles, Eggo waffles, more ice cream, oh, and french fries. If I buy a bag of chips, I will inevitably eat half of it in one sitting. (Thankfully, when I do this, I regret it so much that I resist the urge to buy chips for a long time. Once they are in my house though, there is no hope.)
10) It is hard to write a blog post trying to summarize all the thoughts in my head and I will probably be writing more about this.
I have had a lot of time to think over these past four weeks. As I try to put off the growing list of things to do for just one more week, I am trying to process and reflect on the things I have learned over this month.
1) I really miss exercising. I do not enjoy the feeling I have when I've just been sitting around and eating for 4 weeks. I am dying to move my body more than 20 feet at a time.
2) I really miss cleaning my apartment. My mom and Sam have helped me keep up with some things, but there is still much to be done. I have let things get far dirtier than I ever normally would and I cannot wait to remedy this! I have been daydreaming about how exactly I'm going to catch up on cleaning (sad, I know). I blame this partly on my tendency to be a little OCD and partly on the nesting instinct.
3) I have sort of an extreme need to be self sufficient and in control. I can't stand the idea of relying on other people for help. Exercise and cleanliness are tools I use to fulfill this need.
4) Drinking 64+ ounces of water a day leads to a lot of toilet paper consumption.
5) I am far more bitter, cynical, impatient and judgmental than I should be. Being forced to be much more still than usual leaves more time to examine my heart and find the yuckiness that is inside.
6) I text and talk on the phone a lot more when I am taking it easy. I exceeded our minutes and my texting limit this month for the first time ever (since being married..as my Dad knows, it was a common occurrence before that).
7) Time can pass pretty fast when you aren't doing much. Somehow, these last four weeks have actually flown by.
8) God continues to be faithful. He has provided sweet friends and family to entertain and encourage me. He has protected me from further problems with contractions and has kept my baby healthy.
9) I am bad at resisting pregnancy cravings. And I crave unhealthy things. I have a good friend who is newly pregnant and she craves fruit, carrots and yogurt. Me, I crave ice cream, chips, Cocoa Pebbles, Eggo waffles, more ice cream, oh, and french fries. If I buy a bag of chips, I will inevitably eat half of it in one sitting. (Thankfully, when I do this, I regret it so much that I resist the urge to buy chips for a long time. Once they are in my house though, there is no hope.)
10) It is hard to write a blog post trying to summarize all the thoughts in my head and I will probably be writing more about this.
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