The bizarre and confusing world of social media

I have been wrestling with the whole concept of blogging over this past year (as is obvious by my complete lack of doing it) and what I share on Facebook. I feel torn because I enjoy writing and I'm always thinking about things, so getting them out of my head and into written words is very refreshing. I also love to read blogs and to hear other people's stories. There have been many days where I have been so encouraged and inspired by things that other people have shared on Facebook or their blogs- both friends and random other women that I have never met.

I love that a community of moms exist who love Jesus and who view motherhood as a highly valued calling. In this phase of life, I don't often have the chance to have deep uninterrupted conversations about life with friends in person, because things are just too crazy with so many kids running around. I still feel nostalgic sometimes thinking back to my first Mom friends during a time when, though it was still crazy in a different way, we at least sometimes had the chance to share an uninterrupted conversation during a "playdate"(where our babies laid on the floor next to each other).

                                           (Was slightly easier to talk when this is all he did)

I really treasure those conversations where we were able to share our hearts as we tried to figure this thing out. That just isn't very practical in this season of life though, so I am thankful for the chance to be encouraged by other people's thoughts and motherhood journeys from the comfort of my own home during naptime or random other free moments.

There have also been plenty of times when getting on Facebook or reading a blog on a hard day has added to whatever feelings of loneliness, failure or insecurity I was feeling that day and for that reason I sometimes get a little weary of the whole online world and don't really desire to be a part of it.

I go back and forth between really desiring to be vulnerable with my feelings or experiences so that I can hopefully encourage someone else and feeling like it is kind of ridiculous to share that much of my heart on the internet.

So anyway, my feelings about this topic are still a work in progress...so if I randomly disappear again for a while, my torn feelings about the whole world of online "community" are probably the reason.

I have been so encouraged by you who have shared your own experiences and kind words in response to what I've written, so thank you for making it easier to want to share more! I'm not great about commenting on other people's Facebooks or blogs, so I am always humbled when friends take the time to share encouragement with me.

Randomness...

~Sam got me a Keurig for Mother's Day and now that I have it, I can never go back. For about one day we said we were still going to buy bags of coffee to use, but then we slowly started trying out the sample Kcups that came with it and now the coffee we buy comes in boxes full of little cups that gloriously turn into coffee when you put them in the machine. So yay, Keurig for solving the problem of being too tired to make yourself a cup of coffee.

~It is amazing to me how strangers all read the same book about what you are supposed to say to a young Mom. During pregnancy it's some comment about your size such as.. "you're too small to be that far along or you're too huge to be only that far along." How all pregnant women can manage to be too small and too big in the eyes of a stranger makes no sense to me, because then who are they using as a point of reference? Now that I have two kids, people constantly say the same two things to me wherever I am:

      1) "You have your hands full!" This comment destroys any delusions I might have about looking super together in whatever store I'm in. I thought people only made this comment to you when you had several more kids than 2, so I'm thinking I'm making it look hard enough that the actual number doesn't matter.

      2) "Is the baby a boy or a girl? Oh, two boys, you'll get your girl when you have your next baby." I cannot believe how many people have said this to us. First of all, if my hands are so full already, why are you encouraging me to have more kids and second of all, since when is the magic number to get a girl 3 kids instead of 2? And, no, I will not be having another child just because I'm sure this time it will be a girl.

~How do babies know exactly when you are about to eat, clean something or take a nap and decide to wake up?

For this child I prayed...

The older I get, the more I appreciate how raw and real the Bible is. This week I've been reading in 1 Samuel and the awesome thing about God's word is that even though I've read it before, something often strikes me that I never really noticed. I was reading about Hannah and how she prayed to God for years and years for him to give her a baby. At his point in my life I have known so many people who have walked this painful road and prayed this desperate prayer. I love that our pain is not new to God or ever surprising to him and I love his faithfulness throughout history to so many who have struggled through this life before us.

I think this passage particularly struck me because last year this time we were going on several months of unsuccessful trying for baby number 2 and I was really struggling to let go of my plan and to be willing to be content with whatever number of kids God decided to give me biologically, even if it would be one. I've been reflecting a lot on God's faithfulness over this past year as I look at my precious second baby.

I think the wait has changed my perspective on having two kids. If it had happened as easily as it did the first time, I think there would probably be more "woe is me..I have two little children and it's hard" moments and less, "my arms are full of babies and that is not promised to us in this life". Looking back over this year, I'm thankful for the wait, I'm thankful for God's timing and for an opportunity to see that God always has a plan and his plan is always better than mine. So that's why this verse particularly stuck out to me as I read it this week.

"For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord."

This is also a great reminder to me that God loves my children more than I ever can and that ultimately they are his. I want to hold on so tightly to them and I definitely need this reminder that they are not mine, but are in fact in the much safer and more capable hands of Someone greater.

Thankful

Today I’m thankful for the little things in life that make me appreciate the mundane things I often take for granted. Joel has been sick for a couple days this week. He was lethargic and clingy and completely not himself. Though there are nice things about a snuggly day filled with movies and chilling out (and a 20 min drive to the Dr and trip to Target...), I have been so appreciating him playing and talking and being silly like normal. Playing trains and talking about letters and coloring have given me a renewed joy today as I appreciate the gift of health. (I actually wrote this yesterday and the day ended with a bath, a load of laundry full of sheets and blankets and lots of scrubbing of the carpet, so I spoke a little too soon about him being completely better...still thankful to have the fever gone at least.)

I’m also thankful to have a 12 week old baby this week. I love this stage and I’m happy that the early, exhausting and overwhelming days of having a newborn are over. I know some people love that stage, but I love the stage of smiles and coos and (mostly) only one middle of the night wake up. 

One of the surprising things I’ve found about having a kid is the joy of getting to know them. I always wanted a “baby”. I was never really super excited about the idea of having a kid. Little did I know how incredibly fast the baby stage goes and how quickly I would be launched into having a real, live kid. I love getting to know his personality though, hearing his many thoughts and hilarious comments about life and enjoying his unprompted affection and encouragement. 

Babies are sweet and snuggly, but they can’t come up and wrap their arms around you to say “I love you Mommy” or “Is your head feeling better?” or “You’re beautiful”. They also can’t run away from you, hit you, yell no or argue, which is why, though there are many exhausting moments, I think this phase of having kids these ages is a sweet blessing. Each kid helps me to see the wonderful things about the other. 

Quitter

For some reason I’ve had a major inability to write anything or blog pretty much since we moved to Florida. I’m not sure if it’s the humidity or the fact that I seem to be using all my brain power to memorize the names of all the cars on the movie Cars or types of dinosaurs or to wrack my brain for new songs to sing at bedtime so I don’t go insane, but anyway, I’m trying to break the streak of silence and revive this blog a little.

 I’ve been reading the book “Quitter” by Jon Acuff. One of the biggest things that has stuck out to me is that he talks about how having something 90 percent perfect and shared is better than 100 percent perfect and in your head. I am a super perfectionist and so this struck me, especially when it comes to blogging. I want to try to adapt this mindset and try to spend more time writing or blogging and be willing to share even when it’s not perfect.

Two posts in two days...what??

I would like to thank daylight savings time for solving our sleep issues!

Joel was waking up around 5:30am, sometimes 5am for the last few months and he would not go back to sleep no matter what I did. I tried putting him to bed earlier, he'd wake up at 5:30. I tried putting him to bed later, he'd wake up at 5. Because he was up so early, his naps were early and then the whole cycle would start again. I really didn't know how to get out of it. I asked his doctor at his 18 month appointment if it was bad for him to be waking up that early and she told me that some babies just wake up early. After that, I resigned myself to the fact that we'd be rising with the sun, no- long before the sun, forever.

Enter daylight savings time. We decided to put Joel to bed at 8 instead of 7 that first day, because we figured he'd know no different and maybe 5am would turn into 6am in the morning. So far, it has worked great. He hasn't woken up before 6 since and sometimes he'll even still go to bed at 7 instead of 8.

Along with the early waking had come some nap drama as well over the past few months. He'd skip his nap one day, then desperately need it the next. Or, take a morning nap and then skip the afternoon. Yesterday was the first time he's ever taken one long nap, instead of just dropping one nap or the other.

It amazes me how much his sleeping patterns effect my quality of life and my mood! I felt so invigorated yesterday afternoon after 3 uninterrupted hours! I could get used to that. Then he slept in until 7 today. I pretty much jumped out of bed, I was so excited that the sun was up and that he had slept so late, after taking such a good nap yesterday. I just hope we can keep this going!

We spent the morning at the park and walked what I consider a very long way for a toddler, and what was confirmed as a very long way when he got tired and I carried him back the whole way to the car!

He was wiped out though and I'm hoping that will lead to another long nap. I know this post has way too many numbers in it, so if you are as good at math as I am, you are probably a little lost by now and you can just enjoy looking at the pictures. That's pretty much what I did during math class, but that's a whole other topic.

I just remembered I have a blog...

I can't believe it's almost April and the last time I posted was October! Sad. I guess I've sort of been struggling with what to write about on here, since we are no longer "meandering" and that was the whole reason this blog was started. I know at least my mom and my friend Courtney have missed my posts though, so for their sake, and because I know that this time goes so quickly, I'm going to try to blog more often.

We haven't done much traveling since we got here, but we have had the privilege of hosting lots of friends and family who are. Almost every month since September, we have had at least one guest, which has made life busy, but it also makes Florida feel a little closer to Virginia and Maryland. It turns out a lot of people want to visit Florida for various reasons. Joel and I were also able to spend a long weekend in Maryland in February. It was so wonderful to spend time with family and a couple close friends! And of course have a chance to wear his super adorable winter coat!

Work is going really well for Sam. He is very busy and works lots of hours, but we are so thankful for the way God is providing for us. I'm also so proud of how hard he works and how faithful he is as a father and husband. The work he does is not always glamorous, but he has a goal and he is willing to do what it takes to get there. We have really enjoyed having him home every night since he left the ship! This move has been a great opportunity for us to learn to support each other and to relearn what living together looks like.

Joel is growing up so much. It's hard to believe that he is 18 months old already. Thinking back to last year feels like a different life in so many ways. He is saying more and more words every day and I love having a glimpse into who he is and what he wants.

He is a ton of fun and I am loving this age overall...with the exception of the tantrums and picky eating...I'm realizing more and more what a huge responsibility I have before me as he grows up and how fast it's all going to go. Right now, his absolute favorite food is graham crackers. He knows where we keep them and asks for them all the time. If I try to feed him anything else, he responds with quite the heartbreaking cry of "craaaccckkerr??" It's hard for me to resist this face, but I'm working on it!

Thanks to my awesome brother Josh for this picture! (And this was pre-graham cracker obsession)

He also looves his paci. Paci and cracker are probably his two favorite words. I'm working on cutting back on both with him, but it can be a battle. I'm learning that my little guy is quite determined and resourceful. I am looking forward to seeing where these traits will lead him in life.

As you can see, we are embracing life in the South.