Two posts in two days...what??

I would like to thank daylight savings time for solving our sleep issues!

Joel was waking up around 5:30am, sometimes 5am for the last few months and he would not go back to sleep no matter what I did. I tried putting him to bed earlier, he'd wake up at 5:30. I tried putting him to bed later, he'd wake up at 5. Because he was up so early, his naps were early and then the whole cycle would start again. I really didn't know how to get out of it. I asked his doctor at his 18 month appointment if it was bad for him to be waking up that early and she told me that some babies just wake up early. After that, I resigned myself to the fact that we'd be rising with the sun, no- long before the sun, forever.

Enter daylight savings time. We decided to put Joel to bed at 8 instead of 7 that first day, because we figured he'd know no different and maybe 5am would turn into 6am in the morning. So far, it has worked great. He hasn't woken up before 6 since and sometimes he'll even still go to bed at 7 instead of 8.

Along with the early waking had come some nap drama as well over the past few months. He'd skip his nap one day, then desperately need it the next. Or, take a morning nap and then skip the afternoon. Yesterday was the first time he's ever taken one long nap, instead of just dropping one nap or the other.

It amazes me how much his sleeping patterns effect my quality of life and my mood! I felt so invigorated yesterday afternoon after 3 uninterrupted hours! I could get used to that. Then he slept in until 7 today. I pretty much jumped out of bed, I was so excited that the sun was up and that he had slept so late, after taking such a good nap yesterday. I just hope we can keep this going!

We spent the morning at the park and walked what I consider a very long way for a toddler, and what was confirmed as a very long way when he got tired and I carried him back the whole way to the car!

He was wiped out though and I'm hoping that will lead to another long nap. I know this post has way too many numbers in it, so if you are as good at math as I am, you are probably a little lost by now and you can just enjoy looking at the pictures. That's pretty much what I did during math class, but that's a whole other topic.

I just remembered I have a blog...

I can't believe it's almost April and the last time I posted was October! Sad. I guess I've sort of been struggling with what to write about on here, since we are no longer "meandering" and that was the whole reason this blog was started. I know at least my mom and my friend Courtney have missed my posts though, so for their sake, and because I know that this time goes so quickly, I'm going to try to blog more often.

We haven't done much traveling since we got here, but we have had the privilege of hosting lots of friends and family who are. Almost every month since September, we have had at least one guest, which has made life busy, but it also makes Florida feel a little closer to Virginia and Maryland. It turns out a lot of people want to visit Florida for various reasons. Joel and I were also able to spend a long weekend in Maryland in February. It was so wonderful to spend time with family and a couple close friends! And of course have a chance to wear his super adorable winter coat!

Work is going really well for Sam. He is very busy and works lots of hours, but we are so thankful for the way God is providing for us. I'm also so proud of how hard he works and how faithful he is as a father and husband. The work he does is not always glamorous, but he has a goal and he is willing to do what it takes to get there. We have really enjoyed having him home every night since he left the ship! This move has been a great opportunity for us to learn to support each other and to relearn what living together looks like.

Joel is growing up so much. It's hard to believe that he is 18 months old already. Thinking back to last year feels like a different life in so many ways. He is saying more and more words every day and I love having a glimpse into who he is and what he wants.

He is a ton of fun and I am loving this age overall...with the exception of the tantrums and picky eating...I'm realizing more and more what a huge responsibility I have before me as he grows up and how fast it's all going to go. Right now, his absolute favorite food is graham crackers. He knows where we keep them and asks for them all the time. If I try to feed him anything else, he responds with quite the heartbreaking cry of "craaaccckkerr??" It's hard for me to resist this face, but I'm working on it!

Thanks to my awesome brother Josh for this picture! (And this was pre-graham cracker obsession)

He also looves his paci. Paci and cracker are probably his two favorite words. I'm working on cutting back on both with him, but it can be a battle. I'm learning that my little guy is quite determined and resourceful. I am looking forward to seeing where these traits will lead him in life.

As you can see, we are embracing life in the South.

A fresh perspective

I just read the book "Loving the Little Years-Motherhood in the Trenches" by Rachel Jankovic, thanks to my friend Heather's recommendation. This paragraph on the very last page particularly stuck out to me.

"Motherhood is hard work. It is repetitive and often times menial. Accept it. Rejoice in it. This is your toil. Right here. Those are their faces. Enjoy them. The days of your life are supposed to be full of things like this. But joy is not giddy. It is not an emotional rush- it it what happens when you accept your lot and rejoice in your toil. So rejoice in your children. Look them in the eyes and give thanks."

These words really encouraged me, as my days often feel menial at this point in my life. I'm finding life with a toddler to be challenging in a completely different way than life with a baby. The good moments are so so fulfilling, but sometimes the daily grind can feel so exhausting and discouraging. These past couple months are also the first months of motherhood where I've had any kind of normalcy. I'm so thankful that we now have a routine, that Sam is home every night and that we are not constantly packing up and leaving. With less stress though has also come less excitement for this stay at home mom. Days here look more the same and I have less "interesting" things to look forward to.

I've found myself struggling to figure out what contentment looks like at this point, as well as feeling guilty when I don't love being at home every minute of every day. I love what the book says about joy not being giddy. I don't have to feel excited about my life every second of the day to still find joy in it. I also love what she said about looking into your child's eyes. After reading this book, I found myself looking at Joel with a fresh perspective..looking into those big blue eyes and seeing a precious little person with feelings, ideas, and a personality. That seems so obvious, but sometimes those things get lost in the process of cleaning up, planning meals, agonizing about discipline and sleep. I forget to enjoy my child. I forget to revel in the moments where he is babbling very enthusiastically about something that is very important to him. To genuinely laugh as I watch him do silly things. To treasure each moment that I get to watch him play, that I get to learn about him and see who he is becoming.





I think these things are so undervalued in our culture. If we are not accomplishing something measurable and attaining goals that directly benefit us, then we are missing out on joy and fulfillment in this life. I have far too often believed this lie. I loved the reminder of this book that spending my life giving to my family is a joyful calling. I have been given a great privilege and gift to spend my days entering into the world of a 1 year old and providing a safe and secure home for him to grow up in. I'm thankful for reminders to stop feeling sorry for myself and enjoy the life that God has given me.

Joel's 1st birthday

I still can't really believe that my baby is one! He was just a little baby.




It's a little scary to think about how quickly he's going to grow up. I'm trying to cherish every moment that he's little and wants to be with me. He loves to hold my hand and walk around. (This is my attempt at taking a picture of him, without letting go of his hand.)



Lately, if I leave him in his play room to clean up the kitchen or something, he'll come find me and take me by the hand, back into the play room. It is so sweet. It makes it difficult to get things done sometimes, but I try to remember that before I know it, he will not exactly be going out of his way to be with me.

I am loving this age. It definitely has it's challenges, and sometimes I feel really nostalgic for the early days when I just got to cuddle him all the time, but overall, I am loving how interactive he is, and how much he's learning. I love watching his little personality develop.

Last year this time, I was frantically trying to nurse him, preparing for Sam to head back to Maine and crying a lot. Actually, it was last year today that Sam left and it was one of the hardest days of my life. Watching Sam say goodbye to his 5 day old son was absolutely heart breaking. Then Joel proceeded to cry for most of the night after Sam left. And things pretty much just went downhill from there for the next few weeks, before they got better. Anyway, I'm glad it's this year and not last year, even though it's a little sad to watch Joel grow up.

I wanted to share a few pictures from Joel's birthday. We didn't have a party, because we don't exactly have an abundance of friends here yet, but the day ended up being really fun anyway. We enjoyed our time as a family and we'll get to celebrate again this weekend when my family comes into town.

He started the day with his favorite, favorite food- blueberries!


Of course we had to include Chick fil a in our special day..


We played in his baby pool..


I tried all day to get a good picture of him...


Getting ready to give him his cake!




He liked the icing..


But not so much the cake.


I am so thankful, because I really thought I was going to feel sad on his birthday, missing friends and family, but I really enjoyed the day. I stayed up late decorating the night before and Joel walked around for half an hour the next morning, squealing and pointing at the decorations..such a joyful day and I'm so thankful that Sam could be there to celebrate with us!

And check out my post from yesterday about my recent revelation.

You'd think I'd know this by now..

I had a revelation this week. This should be obvious, but so often it isn't. I act more like Jesus when I spend more time with Him. I know that's shocking.

This move has been a hard transition for me. Connections with other moms haven't happened as quickly or obviously as I was hoping and I've had a bad attitude about it. I've been discouraged that my attitude wasn't more in line with where I knew it should be and I didn't know how to change it. I've placed unrealistic expectations on Sam, expecting him to fill a place in my soul that he can never fill. A friend gave me the link to this blog and after reading it, I'd been contemplating the idea of getting up early to spend time reading the Bible and praying. On Sunday morning, Joel woke up at 4am and took a little while to fall back asleep, so I decided that since I was already up, I would read and pray for a while.

I've only been doing this for 3 days now and it has been amazing. I feel like I've been depriving my soul and it is drinking in God's word and quiet time in His presence. And as a result of that sweet time with Jesus, who is the only perfect friend I will ever have, I have felt less lonely and sorry for myself and been able to appreciate the blessings I do have here. I'm praying and if you are willing you can pray along with me, that I will remember how wonderful and necessary it is to set aside more than a few minutes to read and pray, if I want to see change in my life and feel satisfied.

Life is Messy

And he told his disciples to have a boat ready for him because of the crowd, lest they crush him, for he had healed many, so that all who had diseases pressed around him to touch him. Mark 3:9-10

I've been thinking about messes a lot lately. Having an almost 1 year old around makes it easy to see that life tends towards chaos and disorder. Joel has recently discovered the cabinets in the kitchen. He loves to take all the Tupperware containers out and throw them all over the floor. He loves to take books off of shelves, toys out of bins, clothes out of the laundry basket..you name it, he loves to throw it everywhere. While I clean up one thing, he's somewhere else making another mess. Every meal consists of cleaning out his high chair, cleaning up the floor around his highchair and washing dishes. I spend the majority of every day fighting against messes.

When I think about it, I don't just spend my days fighting against chaos and disorder in my home, but also in other areas of my life. I really don't like it when things don't work like they should. I don't like the fact that life can be painful, lonely and hard even in the good times. I want things to work. I can have a really bad attitude in response to this reality. I get nostalgic about the past and how much better things used to be. I ignore relationships that are painful and difficult.

In light of this, I was struck by the image of Jesus being surrounded by people with diseases. I have no desire to have people crowding into me at all, much less people with all kinds of diseases. I picture loud, messy, hot, sweaty people all around me and I want to escape just thinking about it.

I need to love people better. I need to stop whining and complaining in my heart when things get crowded and messy. I know that I fail to do this constantly. So, I'm taking a minute to reflect on Jesus instead of myself. On what He has done, instead of what I need to do. I am that messy, nasty, diseased and sinful person in the crowd. Jesus willingly chose to leave heaven..where everything works just as it should..where he had perfect communion with his Father..where there is no brokenness, injustice or disease to come engage me here on this earth. I know that it's only in reflecting on this truth that I can cope with the constant messiness I see all around me in this world.

Home.

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of "home" lately. What makes something feel like home? How do we achieve that feeling of comfort, security and peace that makes us feel at home? I've been longing for a physical place that represents home for a while. In some ways, nowhere we lived in Norfolk ever really felt like home, because Sam was missing so much of the time and because I came and went a lot too. We moved a few times while we were there, so I didn't have much of an emotional attachment to any physical location in particular. What I did have there was 4 years worth of time, friends and experiences. Are those the things that should lead to a feeling of "home"?

Here in Florida, we have basically a dream house to call home. We were out of town for a few days last week and I was so looking forward to coming home and getting completely settled. We got home on Monday night, and when we got here, the storm track for Hurricane Irene was coming directly toward us. I was feeling so upset that I wasn't able to enjoy that feeling of being home because I was afraid that it was all going to go away. It only takes one hurricane to destroy all the work we've put into this place and the order that I've been so longing for, particularly over this past year. On a similar note, though I love this house and it feels so much more homey than anywhere we've ever lived, because we own it, I am missing the security and comfort of community, that embodies the concept of home to me.

Both of these things are painful reminders that this earth is not our home. We have a home waiting for us in heaven, where I will feel completely and 100 percent fulfilled. This physical location will never provide that for me. A great community of friends and family will never provide that for me. Thankfully, it looks like we're going to be missed by the hurricane this time. Now, I'm keeping an eye on Irene as I think of my friends and family in Maryland and Virginia. Life can feel so chaotic and out of control and I've been trying to turn my eyes toward my Savior and the eternal communion with him that is coming. It sure is hard though. My heart constantly longs to be fulfilled here and now and wants the same for those I love.

And since I'm talking about home..here are a few pictures for those of you who aren't on Facebook.

Backyard


Dining Room


Front View


Joel enjoying his new house


I know I've posted this verse several times before, but I love it and find it so encouraging, so I'm going to share it again.
"Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."