I have mixed feelings about being a stay at home wife. Most of me absolutely loves it. I love going to the commissary and not being in such a hurry that I hate everyone around me. I love being able to run errands and clean my apartment during the week so that I can hang out with Sam on the weekends. I love the flexibility I have to spend quality time with friends during the day. I love having time to read books and go for walks. What I do not love is the guilt that hangs over me while I do these things and think about most other people I know who are directly contributing to society while they work outside the home. I do not love having to feel awkward when people ask me what I do. I do not love having my days full of mundane tasks that are only noticeable if they aren't done. (Although, I must say that I actually quite enjoy cleaning, laundry, dishes and grocery shopping. I love to bring order to things and so I am strangely fulfilled by these tasks.) I tend to feel extremely defensive and discouraged if anyone so much as hints at the fact that these things do not matter or that they are not important. I feel that I am owed respect for spending my time completing these tasks, while I could be getting another degree that would allow me to gain respect in the workplace.
After I whine to my patient husband about these things, it suddenly hits me. I chose this. I want this. I want to stay home with my kids as long as we are financially able. I don't want to spend my days in a classroom with other people's kids instead of my own. I don't want to spend my nights working in a hospital, instead of sleeping in bed with my husband. I want to go on field trips and drive the car pool and be a room mother and minister to other moms as I do these things. This is my vision for my life. I want to have the flexibility to possibly do foster care some day or to adopt. (Now I am not saying that mom's who work do not want to do these things or are not able, I just have no desire to juggle a busy career alongside of these things.)
So. I decided that if this is the life I want, I need to stop demanding respect for the things that I do and stop comparing myself to people who work outside the home. I need to get used to telling people that I don't have a job and learn not to be ashamed of that. (Some of these things will be easier when I actually have a baby, but I still feel like that is not necessarily an acceptable reason not to work in our culture.) I am reading a book by written by a midwife, who shares stories about her life. Her stories intrigue me and make me want to pursue a career like that. Then I think about the reality of leaving my children's birthday parties, working on Christmas, and leaving my husband's side in the middle of the night. No matter how much I loved a job, I don't think it would ever be worth that to me.
Maybe some day, when I have older kids, I will go back to school and pursue a professional career. Until then though, if we are financially able, I plan to set aside those dreams in pursuit of my ultimate dream, which is to be a mom, a wife and a friend. I want to be the best mom and wife possible and I want to be able to devote all my time and energy to that goal. It is truly a gift to be able to stay at home. I want to choose to embrace that opportunity, despite the lack of glamor and glory it might bring.
Yes, yes, yes and amen! Especially to the feeling awkward when someone pops the "What do you do?" question. I always feel like I have to qualify it with "Well, I used to teach preschool..." Yada yada and give all the 'excuses'. Thanks for this friend. :)
ReplyDeleteMy mom gave me a verse a long time ago. She said, when people ask you what you do tell them: 1 Thess 4:11 "I'm making it my ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind my own business & work with my hands." She said put a little emphasis on the mind my own business part of the verse, maybe they'll get the hint. ;-)
ReplyDeleterecently i hear our pastor say that the best way that a husband can love his wife is by enabling her to do what she is passionate about- allowing her to do what she wants with her time and talents.
ReplyDeleteI really liked it and just thought I'd share it.
hooray for staying at home and doing what you love!
I have no clue who you are. Some one posted a link to this blog on my friend's facebook. I understand 100% I was a stay at home wife for 6 weeks before I went nuts and went back to work becuase I felt guilty for staying at home. Now I am a stay at home mother and I love it. Like you I some times feel the need to defend my choices. But that's what they are choices. And I like you am slowly learning to take the good and the bad with those choice and to claim them as my own.
ReplyDeleteAh - staying at home... it's the best and the worst. The best makes me thankful I'm around to catch those little moments and the worst makes me run to Jesus and need him more. And running to Jesus is always a beautiful thing which makes the worst stuff seem not as bad. You're going to be a wonderful momma!
ReplyDeletejust wanted to say Happy Birthday :-)
ReplyDeleteI also really appreciated this post, as I have been having trouble with contentment... it gave me lots to ponder and was quite encouraging! thanks!
Somehow or other I found your blog - I am also due with my first baby in September! Congrats to you!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that you are so blessed that you even have the option to stay home. And I can tell you realize that, so this isn't a guilt trip! My husband is currently in Seminary, and unless God works a miracle, I am going to have to go back to work full-time after the little beeb arrives. I am not totally complaining, I am grateful to have a good job that provides for us. But I would trade with you in a heartbeat!
Don't let anyone make you feel like you are not contributing or not deserving of respect - what could be a more important and worthy job that the care and formation of another human being?!